Discombobulation of life

I wrote this earlier but it did not come up as a latest blog so here it is again, just to so my more professional stylee.

I mentioned to a Lily and LMW that I had written an article that was going to be published in the magazine that is produced here on a sort of monthly basis. They suggested that I paste it on here as it would be nice to see what my writing would be like in a more professional tone. So here it is.

"At last, a result!

Jet conferences have, in general, been remarkable for their lack of quality and pertinent information, so I can understand the reluctance of many a Kagawa Jet to pay their own way for the conference in Yokohama. Unfortunately for them, it was entirely worth it. Like me, many people in their final year are mulling over their futures, and like me you probably have no idea what you are going to be doing, and like me you need some help. This helped. It helped a lot. I saw this as an opportunity to kick start my search into employment for my eventual and imminent return to reality. This article will not answer all your questions, but it should hopefully, help you to get moving in the right direction.

Yokohama, the City of Legs (according to my friend Paul) was beautiful for the entire three days we were there. I had been longing to get out of Takamatsu since I arrived back from my holiday in the states. The weather was mild, the food was fantastic and we were even treated to quite an erotic display of affection on the Tuesday night on the 10th floor of our hotel (we watched from the streets). The presentations, on the whole, were useful and I leanrt more than I have learned in all the previous Jet conferences that I had attended; one of the reasons being that I chose to come here.

Focus and Perseverance were two keys words that came to mind when reflecting on the lectures. One of the main things was that people became successful once they started to focus on their career path. It is essential for returning Jets to start to ask themselves about what you really want to do in life.

Are you motivated by money?
Do you want to travel?
Are you ready for a fulltime job?
What are you good at?

An important, somewhat cheesy, yet worthwhile recommendation was to write down exactly what it is that you would want to do on a daily basis in your career. In so doing, it will become clearer to you in your mind what you want from your future employment and that in turn will make it easier to explain yourself to career advisors and employment agencies.

One of the advantages of the modern world is that we can pretty much do anything we want (within reason) if we are willing to work for it. What most of us will have been told at one point or other is that “the world is our oyster”, that we are capable of anything that we put out minds to. What is usually meant as a great sign of confidence can also impact in a negative way. There are far too many options out there. Sometimes the choices and possibilities available are staggering, and I have found myself applying for lots of different jobs hoping that a job would choose me instead of me choosing the job, that is not the way it should be, which demonstrates the importance of focus. We have enough time for more than one career. The job market, when good, offers so many different possibilities that it would almost be a sin to stay in one career for your entire life. But you have to start somewhere sometime. And why not now?

The main points in the seminars and lectures were rather similar: one you decide what you want to do, go for it. That means sending out CVs, calling people to ask for help, research, at some point trickery was even suggested. This all comes down to one thing: Perseverance. You will be rejected. You may have to applying to several dozen jobs before you get the one you want but keep going. If you pester people enough, they will at least, eventually talk to you. Nevertheless, the one thing that remains most pertinent about the three days was the value of networking. Avoid feeling guilt if your friend or family offers you a job, that is what friends are for. There is no shame in that. People do it all the time, enjoy it. Generally, if they know you well they will never give you a job they do not think that you can do; it would make them look bad. When you return home, go to JETAA reunions, meetings, parties, discos, no matter how cheesy the may seem. You will be linked through your experiences as a Jet and that counts for a lot, more than you could possibly imagine. I could go into detail about all the seminars I went through, but I won’t, so I will just leave you with some points to help you (I hope) get on the right track.

1. Figure out now what you want to do, try not to wait till you return home. Many of us have a lot of free time at our schools so use this time to research.
2. Research the industry you want to work in, competitors, trends, locations, market leaders etc.
3. Tailor your CV to each position. Look on internet sites for industry norms.
4. Send in speculative CVs. Find a company you want to work for and let them know you exist. If you find the right job now, let them know you want it. Maybe they will wait for you, or maybe when a new position is available then the company will let you know.
5. Make an effort with the CV but it is not the be all and end all. The CV gets you an interview and the interview gets you the job.
6. When enquiring about a job the HR manager is NOT the best person to speak to, the decision maker is. Call him. Most of the time you will not get his number directly, email me for tips.
7. Do not disguise the fact that you are a Jet, there are 40,000 odd ex jets around the world, they want to help you. Probably.
8. Arrive at interviews early, dry off sweating palms, remember to make eye contact and be aware of body language. No sloppy handshakes. And after the interview, write an email to say thank you.
9. If you want to open a business in Asia: 90-98% of businesses fail, especially if you are a woman.
10. Never stop learning, educate yourself, and that isn’t even just for employment.

I do not know how many people came here straight out of University, but I have been through the job search quagmire before, it is not a good thing to be in for a long period of time. Get as much done as you can before you have to go home. When you get home, get a part time job, just to keep you ticking over and so that you can avoid slouching on your parents sofa week after week, getting up only to go and pick up dole checks.

Good luck with it all."

And no, that would not be London. Though I was born there I spent my early years in West Africa, living with my Grandparents and my Aunts and my cousin. It was great having so much family, so much love around to support me. My memory for detail has never been good, but I remember that I always felt safe and loved when I was there.

Tragically I have not been back to Sierra Leone for, well a long time. A very Long time, am thinking ten years or thereabouts. My father still lives there and although my three grandparents have since passed, I still have an Aunt remaining there with her daughter. So I have reasons to go, my mother goes regularly, well every year or so, but I never want to go with her. I deceived myself about the reasons for a long time. I believed it was because I would find it boring, there was nothing for me to do there, though seeing family and going to visit my father, regardless of the state of our relationship, would normally be reason enough. Today, however it finally came to me the reason why I cannot go back, not now anyway...Guilt.

For those not in the know, Sierra Leone suffered for 11 years. It was one of the most brutal wars ever, and it went on for 11 years. Luckily for us though the newspapers and the TV news crews stopped showing an interest once all the westerners had been evacuated. So we forgot, and I am guilty of that, of forgetting that horrible things were happening to people in my home country, while I was out eating McDonalds. Ok, I know that there is nothing that I could have done, and there is still not much that I can do but I should at least think about these people, who have suffered so much. And my, how they have suffered. Some of the atrocities occurring in Sierra Leone were beyond barbaric.

"What man can do to man
The Special Court for Sierra Leone, set up jointly by the UN and the Sierra Leonean government in 2002, was the world's first “hybrid” court. Financed by voluntary contributions from UN members, it operates under international law but with a mixture of local and international judges. Based in Freetown, Sierra Leone's capital, it was also the first modern war-crimes tribunal to be based “in theatre” (ie, in the country where the crimes were committed). Desmond de Silva, the court's chief prosecutor, recounts his first visit to an amputee camp in the town four years ago: “I saw a little girl with no arms saying to her mother: ‘Mummy, when will my arms grow again?’ Nearby was a baby suckling at his mother's breast: neither had any arms. These were sights that said to me: do something. This is evil beyond belief.”

Reuters

Saddam accounting for a life of crimeMost conflicts, especially third-world civil ones, are marked by atrocities. But the wanton cruelty of Sierra Leone's 11-year bloodbath was particularly barbaric. Although hacking off limbs became the special trademark of the Revolutionary United Front (RUF), the main rebel group, all sides were guilty. Child soldiers, some not yet in their teens, would rip open pregnant women's stomachs after taking bets on the sex of the fetus. Women's vaginas were sewn up with fishing line. Mouths were clamped shut with padlocks."

taken from the Economist

Every so often I get these gradiose ideas of what I can do to help out. Setting up companies so that I can at least start to make a dent in the 70% unemployment rate. Going back and getting involved in the running of the country so that I can be part of the process and can affect things from within, but the place is rotten. I regularly speak to my Aunt, who works at the Sierra Leone High Comission in London and she constantly tells me that the country refuses to move forward. Just like every other politician in every other African country who arrives promising to fight corruption, the SL government has itself become part of that corrupt government.

My father, who for all his difficulties, is an upstanding, law-abiding citizen, would never stand for office. It is just too dangerous. As a creole, we do not really belong in Sierra Leone, we are getcrashers, and there is some, well a lot of animosity directed at us. So, what can we do to help?

How do you help a country where the children know nothing but war? How do you provide training and jobs in a country where there is no infrastructure, no running water for a lot of people, constant power failures? How do you integrate those people who had their limbs chopped of with machetes, who were blinded by scrapnel, who cannot function as normal human being because of what they have seen?

I hate this, I hate feeling this helpless, I hate the fact that everytime I want to do something positive to help, there is no one to turn to, I hate the fact that people would resent me for being Creole and not Mende or Temne.

There should be elections next year, I guess we shall see if that helps to improve the current situation.

There was a show on BBC the other day, where a blind kid from Britain went to Freetown and to a blind school there just to visit and exchange ideas, thoughts. It is the most emotional I have been in a long time. I cannot remember the last time I saw pictures of the cotton tree or the market, or just roads that I recognise over there. Seeing the builds that I used to go by when going to see my dad at the bank. I cannot believe that he has a building named after him. Good going huh?

I think I have finally figured it out, I know what I want to do with my life.

So Busta Rhymes is out with a new album soon. I have to admit that I am a fan. He is one of the only artists out there I have actually been bothered about, especially in the world of HIPHOP, but now i think that the whole "touch it" thing, may have gone a bit far. There are no fewer than three remixes. yeah, you heard it THREE. talk about exposure. I do have to admit though that the remixes are better than the original, expect for the one with DMX, but that might just be because his vocal range from gruff to gruff is so wide that it just kills me to support him.

In one of them Mary J Blige even raps. And yeah you heard that one right too. And no this would not be her first time, though I cannot recall at the instant when the first time was. Even better than that, she holds her own alongside Busta, Rah Diggah and Missy.

If you want a listen to all three check them out here
http://www.jalive.com.jm/DigitalMusic.asp?strmArtist=Busta%20Rhymes&ftr=DMX&strmTitle=Touch%20it%20-%20Remix%20part%201

plus that is a really cool into for one of the remixes on vibe.com, which is actually quite a shite site by the way. I am really annoyed with the whole yahoo music video thing, since my location stops me from actually seeing the videos that I want to see.

I did however get a hold of the "Like that" video from the Black eyed Peas, of whom I have been a fan since the whole "joints and jam" episode, but never knew that they had been signed by Easy-E many many moons ago. But yeah, when you think that they are capable of producing a song titled "my hump" and then they produce this, it makes you think about what they were smoking on the "my humps" part of the album. I figure it was just a chance to get their chick to shake her arse round a bit so it actually looked like she was a proper member of the group. Ok, so yeah a bit harsh. She does have a pretty decent voice. And she is pretty hot. So hats off to the BEP.

Also got a hold of the first season of House MD with Hugh Laurie and his generic American accent. and some dude who used to be in neighbours. That was a weird one. The show is pretty good though. Nice to see Omar Epps stretching his acting muscles and playing a doctor - again. At least he is not suicidal this time, only time will tell I guess.

And for those who have not taken an interest in Arrested Development the show and not the group, though are the group still together? I heard that they were, but Speech is always bring out new albums and songs, I got one yesterday called Esmerelda though I am unsure how old it is, and I digress; watch arrested development. It actually makes me laugh out loud, and that my friends is a pretty hard thing to do.

...has never really been an issue for me. By that I mean that I always intended to stay as far away from it as possible. Lately, though, it has been in my mind and I have to admit that it is some that I would do if the circumstances are right. And when I am ready to do so. Which got me thinking: there are many reasons why people get married. There always have been. But what is it that clicks in people, that makes people thing; oh my God, this is it!!!

Money, protection, fear of loneliness, green card or equivalent, security, dare, not knowing what else to do, are reasons for getting married. I also believe that people get married because they believe it demonstrates commitment. That it means that you are in some way protected from hurt, from abandonment, from disappointment. This piece of paper, becomes the cloaking device from future problems. It is supposed to bind people together in a positive way. So is love, but I wonder how many people in the end marry for love. Which brings me to my age old question of what is this thing called love anyway? You take away the moments of bliss at the beginning and what you are left with is basically a really good friend you get to sleep with on a regular basis is it not? In which case, everyone, well most people, is a potential spouse, so really how special can it be?

Pretty special apparently, and I can see why. I really can. Even in this day and age, I can understand why people want to get married. The tax breaks are just too enticing. Apart from that though, there is nothing, nothing that brings me to that point except for the fact that my girlfriend would like to marry me eventually.

So, even if I do not believe in something, an important thing, do I do it? I read something in "the Double" today, "We don't know precisely what awaits us beyond each action we take." He also says that "Words can be the devil" and sometimes, like now, it seems so true. I am a cerebral person, I am not overly emotional and never have been. I cry maybe once a year, and have a big one. I usually internalise all my feelings and they just excreted in some fashion. So this, this grand question is causing me all kinds of oratorical quandaries. Generally I speak only after thinking about a question, but the more I think about it the more stupefied I become.

In life, in marriage especially, sacrifices have to be made; I know that. But I am also a stubborn bastard. Marriage for me has no meaning, how can I participate in something that has no meaning for me.

Then you read things like this:

One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. ~Judith Viorst

Which is beautiful. Sweet even.

Then there is this:

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. ~Katherine Hepburn

http://www.quotegarden.com/marriage.html

Yet this is just the skeptical side of me talking, I do sit and think sometimes that it would be great being married to LMW. It makes me smile... really, what more can I ask for?

I have my computer back and things are nearly back to normal except for the fact that i do not have office on it, so no outlook, or excel and most importantly no word. How annoying, but it gets worse. As Sony have made their computers so hard to fix by a non Sony geek, a lot of functions on my laptop are now obsolete. I can no longer watch Tv, not that I watched any Japanese TV anyway, but it was always a nice feature to brag about. I cannot use my remote control. I can't even turn the brightness of my screen down so I am sitting here and the light is slowly burning through my retina and i swear that I am starting to see dots. So, there lies my gripe with the Sony boys, you are annoying and so is your software, can you make it a little easier for use to actually use your stuff. Then maybe, just maybe, people might start taking you lot seriously once more.

The weekend was a chilled one, I really just relaxed. I know, my life is so stressful and I really needed a break from all the hectic work that has been consuming my life. So you can totally understand what I am going through once i tell you this: I went to school this morning and checked my timetable, only to find out that in the next two weeks i have two classes. Well it was three but one of them got cancelled this afternoon. In the previous 2 weeks i have only taught about 2 possibly three classes. I wish that the Japanese were fully aware of the fact that their hard earned cash, and believe me when i say "hard-earned", was going. To a fat lazy bastard like me who is in all actuality totally fatigued with his life in this far eastern archipelago.

Alas though, I have learnt to keep myself busy. I am reading, my studying is slowly getting back up to a decent level and I am planning my little Easter vacation when I shall be going to some places in Japan that I have not yet visited, unfortunately though I will not be going to Fukuoka since it is too far and will end up being way too expensive. LMW shall be here in over a week and then my friend Chris just after, it will be good to be so busy.

Wednesday and Thursday will see the Entrance Examinations for my school take place. I can either take nenkyu (holiday) or I can go in at 8 and leave at 1610 without being able to leave the teachers room the whole day, and that means even for lunch. So i am thinking that I might cook something really smelly to take with me. I asked if i would be allowed to go to the gym... that was this afternoon and I am still waiting for an answer....

Today I wore a suit to work... with a tie. Gone were the tracksuit bottoms, the sweatshirts, the 6year old tshirt normally used only when going to the gym. Today I might even say that I looked and still look, respectable.

What a waste!!

The thing is that contrary to popular opinion, I do like wearing suits, I like to dress up smart and have people tell me how much they like my pink shirt and all that stuff. Yeah, I am a bit girlie and therein lies the irony if you read my earlier blog about the rules for girls. I love shopping, but I do not wish it was a sport, but I would happily spend 4 or 5 hours looking for the "right" item of clothing. A whole day is still ridiculous, I may as well start wearing a maxi pad and wonder bra.

So yeah, it was graduation, and here I was in my gray suit, blue shirt, pink tie (yeah pink again!!) sitting around all these Japanese people all dressed in black like it was a funeral. As the students walked in, stumbled in, waddled in, I realised that I knew one of them very well and the rest were just faces, faces I could not put names to, faces I had stared at for the past 2 and a bit years that I would forget as soon as they leave this place. It saddened me. Last year and the year before I was happy (not that I wasn't happy this year) to see them graduate, but it was a happiness that came from the knowledge that I had helped them along the way, it came from the feeling of having watched and seen someone develope and then move onto the next stage of their lives and this year it was not there. To say that I have failed them would be a bit harsh, this years lot were not really the most receptive when it came to english, I am just sad that they weren't as I feel I could have made an impression other than just being the scary gaijin who works at the school.

Ah well, only another few months in this cold hell, I feel like I am stuck in Purgatory.

Words are pretty darn amazing aren't they? I was reading my book, The Double by Jose Saramago last night and it was just beautiful the way that he uses his words, I just wish I could read the original spanish. I think that I should give it a go... Spanish that is, then I can read the original. But the amazing things about words are that no matter what we use them for, and how articulate we might consider ourselves to be, there is still such a large gap between what we feel and the words that we use to describe those feelings. Then there is the whole interpretation of that which we write. For different people, different images evoke different feelings or ideas. I guess that this is just an age old discussion that I am chawing over right now.

If I do one thing right in my life, my kids, should I be blessed with any, will become people who really appreciate the power, delicacy and beauty of the written word.