And no, that would not be London. Though I was born there I spent my early years in West Africa, living with my Grandparents and my Aunts and my cousin. It was great having so much family, so much love around to support me. My memory for detail has never been good, but I remember that I always felt safe and loved when I was there.

Tragically I have not been back to Sierra Leone for, well a long time. A very Long time, am thinking ten years or thereabouts. My father still lives there and although my three grandparents have since passed, I still have an Aunt remaining there with her daughter. So I have reasons to go, my mother goes regularly, well every year or so, but I never want to go with her. I deceived myself about the reasons for a long time. I believed it was because I would find it boring, there was nothing for me to do there, though seeing family and going to visit my father, regardless of the state of our relationship, would normally be reason enough. Today, however it finally came to me the reason why I cannot go back, not now anyway...Guilt.

For those not in the know, Sierra Leone suffered for 11 years. It was one of the most brutal wars ever, and it went on for 11 years. Luckily for us though the newspapers and the TV news crews stopped showing an interest once all the westerners had been evacuated. So we forgot, and I am guilty of that, of forgetting that horrible things were happening to people in my home country, while I was out eating McDonalds. Ok, I know that there is nothing that I could have done, and there is still not much that I can do but I should at least think about these people, who have suffered so much. And my, how they have suffered. Some of the atrocities occurring in Sierra Leone were beyond barbaric.

"What man can do to man
The Special Court for Sierra Leone, set up jointly by the UN and the Sierra Leonean government in 2002, was the world's first “hybrid” court. Financed by voluntary contributions from UN members, it operates under international law but with a mixture of local and international judges. Based in Freetown, Sierra Leone's capital, it was also the first modern war-crimes tribunal to be based “in theatre” (ie, in the country where the crimes were committed). Desmond de Silva, the court's chief prosecutor, recounts his first visit to an amputee camp in the town four years ago: “I saw a little girl with no arms saying to her mother: ‘Mummy, when will my arms grow again?’ Nearby was a baby suckling at his mother's breast: neither had any arms. These were sights that said to me: do something. This is evil beyond belief.”

Reuters

Saddam accounting for a life of crimeMost conflicts, especially third-world civil ones, are marked by atrocities. But the wanton cruelty of Sierra Leone's 11-year bloodbath was particularly barbaric. Although hacking off limbs became the special trademark of the Revolutionary United Front (RUF), the main rebel group, all sides were guilty. Child soldiers, some not yet in their teens, would rip open pregnant women's stomachs after taking bets on the sex of the fetus. Women's vaginas were sewn up with fishing line. Mouths were clamped shut with padlocks."

taken from the Economist

Every so often I get these gradiose ideas of what I can do to help out. Setting up companies so that I can at least start to make a dent in the 70% unemployment rate. Going back and getting involved in the running of the country so that I can be part of the process and can affect things from within, but the place is rotten. I regularly speak to my Aunt, who works at the Sierra Leone High Comission in London and she constantly tells me that the country refuses to move forward. Just like every other politician in every other African country who arrives promising to fight corruption, the SL government has itself become part of that corrupt government.

My father, who for all his difficulties, is an upstanding, law-abiding citizen, would never stand for office. It is just too dangerous. As a creole, we do not really belong in Sierra Leone, we are getcrashers, and there is some, well a lot of animosity directed at us. So, what can we do to help?

How do you help a country where the children know nothing but war? How do you provide training and jobs in a country where there is no infrastructure, no running water for a lot of people, constant power failures? How do you integrate those people who had their limbs chopped of with machetes, who were blinded by scrapnel, who cannot function as normal human being because of what they have seen?

I hate this, I hate feeling this helpless, I hate the fact that everytime I want to do something positive to help, there is no one to turn to, I hate the fact that people would resent me for being Creole and not Mende or Temne.

There should be elections next year, I guess we shall see if that helps to improve the current situation.

There was a show on BBC the other day, where a blind kid from Britain went to Freetown and to a blind school there just to visit and exchange ideas, thoughts. It is the most emotional I have been in a long time. I cannot remember the last time I saw pictures of the cotton tree or the market, or just roads that I recognise over there. Seeing the builds that I used to go by when going to see my dad at the bank. I cannot believe that he has a building named after him. Good going huh?

I think I have finally figured it out, I know what I want to do with my life.